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Four Years Later

Do you remember where you were exactly four years ago? I do.

On January 31st, 2014, I went to see my favorite band. It was meant to be a pre-birthday celebration, watching them play one of my favorite albums with my best friend by my side. However, what should have been a great night ended up being one of the worst. The short story is that I had the most intense panic attack I’ve ever experienced at that show. I began questioning a lot of things, asking why this had to happen to me, why it had to happen that night or that year when I was facing a multitude of other personal challenges. While I may not have the real answer, I have a good guess.

You may have noticed that Lucy Out Loud has faced its ups and downs over the years and in some ways it’s because it has mimicked my personal ups and downs. Experiences change you and my experience four years ago changed me in more ways than one. It led to months of doctors visits, pinpointing what was causing my anxiety, panic attacks, and chronic migraines that became increasingly present. At that time, I found it difficult to find happiness in writing, but I found it even harder to find happiness in music. I began neglecting the site because it reminded me of that and it was something that broke my heart.

Eventually, things started to positively change.

I spent a lot of time realizing that the reason I was going through these struggles was because it was meant to make me stronger. I soon found my voice again and Lucy Out Loud, as well as my other writing contributions, became a way for me to shed light on mental health in a positive way. It’s a topic that is sensitive, but one that deserves to be spoken about frequently. I found solace in sharing my experiences with others and have since used that to motivate individuals to find their voice.

I’ve been extremely open about what happened that night, four years ago. In fact, at the end of 2016 I wrote a piece thanking the band I went to see, detailing that night and the impact that band has had on me. Dealing with that first panic attack, and all other panic attacks I had at shows since then, meant I had to relearn how to experience music. It wasn’t until the end of 2017 that I was able to successfully do that and I’ve found a happiness that I didn’t think existed. Looking back at it, it’s one of the best things that could have ever happened to me and I would not be the person I am today if things went about differently.

I’ve spent these last four years rebuilding myself and now I, along with my incredibly supportive team, are finally confident enough to rebuild Lucy Out Loud. Throughout the month of February, you can find Flashback February posts full of interviews, sessions, and photos we were unable to post within 2017. We’ve had the opportunity to sit down with some incredibly talented individuals and we cannot wait to share those experiences with you soon! Stay tuned and thank you for the continued support!

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